Aug
The Secret Life of Alzheimer’s Disease
The fact that there is a greater incidence today of Alzheimer’s disease than in previous centuries has not gone unnoticed by some observers who seek to account for its increased presence among the aging, one that occurs at great personal cost & with grave consequences for families & loved ones.
The primary cost of Alzheimer’s disease lies in the loss of ‘presentness’ it brings to the one so afflicted � an increasing absence of the known & familiar self from awareness, reflection, & memory, & an increased departure of the interactive self from relationships that have been significant in the past. Indeed, the loss of presentness that comes with Alzheimer’s disease is so great, & the sadness it brings to those who feel they are losing a dear parent, friend, or partner so pervasive, that it is vital to attempt to find a spiritual meaning & purpose for the sequence of deterioration that seems to strip one down to the bare bones of humanity, with occasionally even that being in question due to the deterioration of physical as well as mental & emotional functioning.
All that is known about Alzheimer’s today has given us some hope for modifying the disastrous effect of its course & for making the passage gentler, with less distress to those who remain in loving relationship with the one who is ill. Yet, these modifications are far from offering an understanding of what spiritual good might come from such an illness � what gain to the soul might equal the significant loss of the familiar self which the disorder creates.
The truth of the matter is that the spiritual world in which Alzheimer’s plays a significant role is a very different world than what appears on the outside. It is a world in which the play of imagination takes precedence over the function of rationality, & in which the mind becomes the playground of random thoughts, inner events, & memories. These inner movements arise from various places - some from bits & pieces of the past; some from wishes that have never been expressed; & some from a place that can only be called the dream-self � the self that the unconscious mind projects upon the physical plane in order to bring something that has been hidden into the light of day. Because of the fragmentation of the images, thoughts, & emotions, as well as the uncertainty concerning their validity, the outside observer can generally never really tell what’s real & true & what’s fantasy about what’s being communicated by some one with Alzheimer’s disease. What the outsider witnesses is a completely unique world, a world of one, & others, often to their great sorrow, feel that they are locked out of it.
Here, in the center of this very private world is a great garden of spiritual flowers � not flowers of reason or of clear thinking, but flowers of impulse & imagination, flowers of emotion that were never given exposure during childhood, during dreams, or during other lifetimes. These now wait to be experienced & expressed. Because the rational element of communication is largely absent, the imaginings & voices of the unexpressed self are revealed mysteriously, without any seeming meaning or coherence. And yet in the midst of the absence of coherence, a great tree is being given shape. Beneath its branches are the flowers, leaves, & seeds of the collective past of the person who is witnessing them. They are the particles & parts of the unrealized self, the rejected self, the wished for self, the hoped for self, that are being gathered up in an apron in order to be looked at & evaluated imaginatively by the one who sits beneath this tree catching the leaves that float by � the wisps of thought that float through the inner landscape.
The fragmentation that occurs does so because in the time in which these mental & imaginative fragments were created, the need arose to keep them hidden in order to create barriers of reason & logic around the functioning of the effective personality. And so they remained part of a floating & unstable world of inner possibility. And not just a world of possibility, but a world of fragmented possibility. For among the central features of Alzheimer’s are the strangeness of its thought patterns & the sudden changeability of their focus. Both features are present in many with Alzheimer’s, & both serve the purpose of dismantling the rational element of functioning in order that the emotional & imaginative elements be given freer reign.
Despite the great loss of outer functioning that Alzheimer’s brings, one may say that within the secret inner world a transformation is taking place. Where mental functioning may have been a priority before, now the functioning of a child begins to appear. Where judgment & critical analysis may have been valued heavily, now innocence begins to be given space & room in which to breathe. And where unrelatedness to the spiritual world may have been present, now the absence of self-definition creates a greater sense of oneness with life & a kind of innocent spirituality which accepts all that is.
And what of those for whom Alzheimer’s brings anger, irritability, & extreme outbursts of rage? These, too, are fragments or aspects of self that have been previously dormant. In their manifestation, they offer the opportunity of being experienced by the inner witness. As upsetting as these outbursts often are, they nevertheless produce a kind of self-confrontation with aspects of consciousness that have previously been restricted from awareness.
For those who seek to understand the greater spiritual good that comes from a situation whose external features appear to involve great loss, limitation, or hardship, it may be said that accompanying the loss of mental functioning which Alzheimer’s brings is a reorganization of the basic personality structure so that a new birth can take place � one that will have positive consequences for the soul in their future development & evolution. This new birth does not come without a price. And yet it comes because of the soul’s deep wish for healing & wholeness & for a bringing together of the fragments of self into a new configuration.
For those who must stand & watch the progressive deterioration of the personality of a loved one, there is a need to be gentle with oneself, for many feelings are possible & are evoked by this situation. Yet it is vital to note that in the midst of sorrow & of progressive loss, there can also be a view of the emerging new self that is being born. If the eyes of the heart can be focused not only on the pain of loss or on the difficulties of care, but also on the unfoldment of the new, it may be that the inner Tree of Life can be seen under which the loved one sits, gathering the leaves & petals of their own imaginative process in order to meld them together into a new fabric of wholeness at some future date.
For a spiritual perspective on mental & emotional disabilities of various kinds, see the Light Omega Reader, especially “A Spiritual View of Mental Illness” & “The Wisdom Within Depression: A Spiritual View.”